I miss you. Dude, just stop being a fuck up. It can’t be that hard. I miss what we had. You had so much potential. You’re caring, real, and open to confrontation. You’re open to problem solving. Or at least that’s how you were. I have no idea how you are now. I hope you’re happy, because I know I am. I feel like my life would be different if you were still in it. I feel like I’d be a lot more down to earth, a lot more consistent to who I was when we were close.
I’m pretty sure we’re both different now. I’m more focused on what, a long time ago, I would have called “selling out.” I’m focused on being successful, changing the world with the system that has been so finely crafted for our use. You’re going to change the world, I hope, by the ways that we used to talk about. When we were young and stupid. We understood right and wrong, but not plausibility. We could have changed the world together, in the ways that we talked about, but I fucked up. I changed. I lost a sense of what I wanted. I became someone else. I started focusing on things besides the greater good. I took what we had for granted and threw it away hoping it would come back. It’s not coming back, though.
Four years ago I wouldn’t have questioned putting something like this on the internet, because I didn’t care what people thought. I would have known that this is right, and that you deserve at least the opportunity to see this. But now I’m wondering if you, like all of the people in my life now, will think I’m over reacting and having too many emotions. Fuck that. This is real. I miss you man. I wish things would have worked out differently: that I wouldn’t have ended up hating you for the last bit of time that we had to have our lives in the same place.
Remember when we were at Kingsley, and we talked about the future, and I pretty much told you that the way that I was doing things was right, and that we should use the system, go through college, be realistic, and throw away the plans of moving to a big city, squatting, and being punks in general? I wish I wouldn’t have done that shit now. I remember how you reacted. You had tears in your eyes, it was like we had just physically broken everything that we had every talked about and built up in our heads.
I should have had a positive outlook, like I do now. But it’ll never be the same, man. I miss you, but now you’re just somebody that I used to know.
